Elizabeth's Thoughts:
Most days OCD catches me at school. I'm completely ready for it, but still it successfully sneaks up on me day after day. This pattern started just two or three months ago; I had been fine at school before...
What's happening to me?
I ask myself this everyday, but it does more harm than good. So, since the past few weeks have been awful "King Kong-wise". ← I call OCD King Kong. I thought this was a dumb idea at first, but giving OCD a silly name really helped me. (WAY more than I thought it would) It makes me feel like it's something unrelated to me. Even though I know it's a disease, I always felt like it was me or my fault. That is not good to think at all because I can't blame myself for it, that's like a person with cancer just saying "Oh well, I just suck so bad I gave myself cancer." Totally untrue. Now King Kong is just some big, dumb monkey that I can yell at for making me feel like I'm going mental.
Anyway, so in really hard days or times when I'm with friends I love, but suddenly feel the shiver down my back that alerts me King Kong is trying to make me freak out in front of everyone, I read these phrases and say them three times.
* Impossible just tells you I'm possible.
Seriously. *Smack* Take that King Kong!
If OCD is stupid enough to try and keep me anxious, I think:
* Everyday may not be good, but there is something good in everyday. :)
Although they're cheesy Instagram-type phrases, it does pretty good at making me believe in my ability to push OCD out of the way. (Now it does always work, but it's worth a shot!) I write lots of sayings like this in my school agenda, on my phone, and on stickie notes I put on the walls in my closet (which is where I go to cry when I freak out). They give me confidence and a glimmer of hope in the darkness of my mind right now.
As I still struggle day to day with King Kong, I'm trying to stay happy. I try to remember that worrying all day about anything is stupid, I have lots of friends that care about me and a family that will do anything for me. Every night I count my blessings (roof? - check! food? - check! bed? - check! sister? - check!) and pray to God, it helps organize the positive things in my life rather than the negatives. I love it! :)
So no matter what I just have to remember that I will win. Sooner or later. No question! Until then I have to keep smiling and acting like he's going away until he does.
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